


Masturbation 2

by FlyBoy



Series: McGarrett's Manual of Masturbation [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-19
Updated: 2011-09-19
Packaged: 2017-10-23 21:28:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/255195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyBoy/pseuds/FlyBoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok, Kellincried and Annabel1984, this is all your fault!  If you hadn't put the phrase into my head this never would have happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Masturbation 2

The next morning a very tired Danny Williams was at his desk at his usual starting time. At least his body was there. His mind, well, he hadn't had his morning coffee, so the brain was sort of in neutral. His big achievement of the morning was putting the right shoe on the right foot and vice versa.

With no forewarning at all, a much more perky Steve McGarrett barged into his office, stood in front of him, and said, "Beating the bishop."

Danny looked up, a confused look on his face.

"Huh?"

"Beatin' the bishop."

"Where? What church? Is he dead?" Danny stood and instinctively reached to check that his gun was at his side.

"No. No. Sit down. Beatin' the bishop."

Danny's pre-caffinated face showed a lack of any recognition.

"You know," Steve tried again. "What we were talking about last night… in the bar… before you went home…" Steve's right hand dropped toward his crotch and started to make a stroking motion.

Danny's face showed signs of recognition. "Masturbation? You're talking about masturbation? I haven't had my coffee yet, and you're talking masturbation! I didn't get enough sleep last night because you wanted to talk about masturbation." Danny was working himself up into a full-bore snit, even without caffeine. "You can't even say the word 'masturbation' and you want to talk about it?" he practically yelled at his boss.

Steve held up his hand and said, "I'll come back after you've had your coffee," before he backed out of the office, knowing the proper moment to make a strategic retreat.

Danny muttered to himself, "Beating the bishop! Beating the god damned bishop! I don't freakin' believe him." Coffee combined with his first encounter with Steve helped him to wake up completely.

Fifteen minute later he felt he was ready to tackle the masturbation wizard. The glass door to McGarrett's office was closed but Danny could see him sitting at his desk. The man didn't appear to be doing anything aside from sitting, so Danny pushed the door open and said, "Beating the bishop!?"

Before he could say another word, Danny heard the voice of the governor come from the speaker of McGarrett's desk telephone. "What was that? Commander! Has a bishop been beaten? I didn't see anything about that in my morning police report! Is it a hate crime? Oh, crap, I hope it wasn't a hate crime!" The governor had clearly had her coffee – apparently a double.

Steve's eyebrows rose so high on his face that Danny was worried the man's eye balls might pop out of their sockets. The man was frantically drawing his hand across his throat that was a combination of "Shut the fuck up!" and "Please, God, open a hole and let me fall inside!"

Danny held his breath without realizing he was doing it. His hand involuntarily went to cover his mouth. He looked at Steve.

"No, governor. No bishops have been beaten in Hawaii." Thinking quick and in a panic, he said, "Nothing you need to worry about."

"Thank God. We don't need a religious-based hate crime here."

"No, ma'am. Not a hate crime – at least not yet," he added, glaring at his partner and frantically gesturing the man out of his office.

Now it was Danny's turn to beat a strategic retreat back to his own office.

Five minutes later, as expected, Steve McGarrett was back in his partner's office, this time doing a pretty decent job of imitating a pissed off Danny Williams. Both arms were raised to emphasis his point. "What the fuck were you thinking coming into my office when I'm on the phone with the governor, the chief of police, and the Lieutenant Governor? Please! Tell me what you were thinking?"

"I didn't know you were on the phone!" Danny protested. "How was I to know you had all those people on your speaker-phone?! And as I recall, it was you that started this 'beating the bishop' stuff right here in my office just a short time ago!" Danny had moved from embarrassed to annoyed in one easy step. "And by the way, what was this?" he asked, imitating Steve's jerking motion.

"I was trying to be polite," Steve answered.

"I don't believe it," Danny said with a look of joy and surprise on his face. "You're scared of saying the word! You're afraid to say 'masturbation'! I don't believe it!"

"I'm not afraid," Steve said, folding his arms self-defensively over his chest.

"There is a certain office-decorum …" he tried.

"Decorum? When you're talking about jerking off? I don't recall that in the etiquette manual I was given when I was hired! Tell me, what page is that?" Danny said with entirely too much pleasure.

"Why do I try to talk to you?" Steve said, starting to back out of the office.

"No!" Danny called. "Stop right there! Let's get this resolved right now!"

"Danny, I've got work to do – and so do you."

But Danny was a tenacious little pit bull of a man. While Steve tried to retreat, Danny pursued him. In the brief instant when they were in the common office area where both Chin and Kono were working at the moment, Danny said, "Chin! Do you masturbate?"

Not expecting the question and certainly not sure how to answer it, Chin simply looked at Danny and stared.

"Never mind. Of course you do. Kono, do you masturbate?" Danny said, turning his attention to her.

"Duh!" she said. "Doesn't everybody?"

"Apparently certain SEALS don't," Danny said.

"Detective Williams," Steve said. "I recommend you shut your mouth. This is an inappropriate office conversation and could be construed as sexual harassment. Do I need to remind you of the governor's recent memo …"

"Oh hush," Danny said. "Why can't you say it?"

Kono asked, "Care to catch us up on this? Who can't say what?"

"McGarrett can't say 'masturbation'."

"What's wrong with masturbation?" Kono asked. It was a competition to see whether Chin or McGarrett could blush more than the other at that point.

"Danny! Shut up and get back to work!"

"Say it! Mas-tur-ba-tion! Come on! You can do it! You certainly wanted to talk about it last night!"

"A bar conversation is quite different from an office conversation. And this conversation is finished!" Steve said with as much authority as he could muster as he turned toward his office.

"But wait! I thought we were going to write Danny and Steve's Manual of Masturbation? I guess it'll have to be 'McGarrett's Manual of Masturbation'. Oh, wait! You can't say 'masturbation' so I guess you'll have to get a new title!" The man was taking entirely too much pleasure from this conversation.

Steve turned back and practically shouted, "Masturbation! Masturbation! Masturbation! There! Happy?"

"Yes, thank you," Danny said with delight. "And you should try it sometime. You'd be less tightly wrapped."

Throwing his hands in the air, Steve growled and left the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, you just know there are more that I'm gonna have to share now, don't you?


End file.
